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Blog

...Of The World

Amber

If my life were a movie and and whoever chooses the music for those things had to find a song that perfectly encapsulates my love life, it would be Another One Bites the Dust. Which would explain why I can't stop humming it. Sorry, anyone who hangs out with me ever. I'd file a request for We Are The Champions - or at least a rousing round of Bohemian Rhapsody - but the musical powers that be would just laugh at me and then I'd have to hate them. My seething bile would inspire them to fill the soundtrack of my life with John Denver and the Oklahoma soundtrack and then I'd have bigger problems.

Love Life Reframe Because, Queen's Genius Aside, No More Dust Biting For Me

Things happen as they should and at the right time. I literally have to believe that or I would go crazy. Isn't that what beliefs are for? To keep us from going crazy? I think you should believe anything you want, if it will make your brain calmer and help you live a nicer life.

Zombie apocalypse? Start stockpiling canned chili and slingshots! Military-induced armageddon? Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we dive into randomly appearing bunkers with really hot guys who have just the perfect amount of stubble! Flying Spaghetti monster? You know I support any activity with pasta monsters.

Not that you need my permission, but consider it hereby granted: BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU WANT.

I can continue to think about how and why I haven't found anyone and why I wouldn't be good at a relationship anyway so I just shouldn't have one, but that really doesn't get me where I want to go.

I want to be happy whether I'm walking down the street humming Another One Bites The Dust or I'm still asleep and that guy coming out of the coffee shop bought that second coffee for me. The bagel was a nice touch, dude.

Besides, I have control over my thoughts and my actions, but I have literally no control over my romantic timeline. Sorry, self. I know you'd like to think that if you implement systems and create spreadsheets and do the work that you'll gain some measure of control, but you really just don't.

So revel in the fact that it might not be the right time. And how that allows me to merrily plot a summer in Paris or somewhere tropical, when I probably wouldn't be planning this if there was someone in LA that I didn't want to leave. Doors open when you're in a relationship, but other doors close. Like the doors labeled Now You Get To Have a Hot Fling On An Island With Palm Trees, Enjoy. I can buy plane tickets and get visas without taking anyone else into consideration, a blazing and delightful sort of selfishness that I won't always be able to indulge.

Really, I just want to look at what is, rather than what isn't.

What is: I can go anywhere I want. I have work I love, people I love, and I always end up in the perfect place for me. Sure, I'm lonely sometimes. But being in a relationship doesn't mean you're never lonely ever again. The loneliest I've ever been in my life was sitting on a couch with a boyfriend. The fullest and happiest I've ever been has been sitting in a car by myself. Probably singing. The person I will sing in front of is a rare specimen indeed.

So I'm totally giving myself rousing round of We Are the Champions. Then I'm going to look at plane fares. I can buy my own damn bagel.