It continually cracks me up - in a haha, REALLY, UNIVERSE? kind of way - how the most spiritually powerful people I know are the ones who struggle the most with the real life human stuff, myself included.
Connected to the infinite? Easy, got it.
Powerful healer? Absolutely, no problem, easier than breathing.
Receiving guidance from the ethereal, otherworldly beings of light? Naturally, not a day goes by.
Paying rent? Shiiiiiiit.
Enlightenment is easy. 401ks are hard.
But I know that’s not actually true.
It’s all just energy. Money is energy. Rent is energy. The same energy we wield so powerfully to the benefit of everyone else.
What any struggle I have with money is really showing me is where my energy is funky, where my head is working against me, where I’m getting tangled in my emotions.
(The emotion tangle is a particularly wily beast for the highly sensitive people. We’re not just wrangling our own but everyone else’s, until we learn how our boundaries best work.)
It’s like a human being born in an octopus’ body. Being an octopus is awesome, but it’s not what you expected. You have a vague sense that things should operate differently, but walking down the street on two feet feels impossible when you have eight tentacles instead.
A wise human-octopus would accept the tentacles and learn to work with them. An unwise human-octopus would get mad and frustrated and sit in the corner of the tank fuming.
(It probably doesn’t need to be said, but I am not wise.)
Embrace the octopus, Amber. Embrace the octopus.
I joke about not being wise, but it’s actually more like being an octopus in a human world. Where everyone is a human but you. The octopus is remarkably sensitive and has simply evolved differently than we have. Sensitivity can make everything trickier to contend with until you learn how to work with the sensitivity and aim it in a direction that serves you.
I’m still learning to embrace the human. I’m still learning to embrace the sensitivity. I’m still learning how to move through the brain and feelings tangle and toward aiming all my energy in the direction I want instead of letting it scatter to the four winds.
The more I come fully into my body, and feel my energy drop into my lower chakras (for the first time in my life, really), the easier this all becomes.
For a long time, it was like trying to drive a remote control car. I was so far out of my body that I was trying to move my body like a puppeteer would manipulate a marionette on strings or an eight year old would operate the controls for a tiny Porsche. I would run into lamp posts and trip over steps and couldn’t ever find a safe space in my body.
Dancing grounded me. Running grounded me. Lying in the grass grounded me. Lots of meat and potatoes grounded me.
Emotions ungrounded me. Fear cut the strings and I would go floating into the stratosphere.
No wonder it was hard to be be human. I was playing PacMan on an arcade console rather than strapping on the virtual reality goggles.
PacMan doesn’t really get much done. But he does an admirable job of eating ghosts.
So, getting into my body has helped a lot. Learning to line up my energy, my brain, and my emotions behind what I actually want, rather than letting everything freak out all the time, is helping too.
I still have a lot to learn. Or more accurately, a lot to practice. I’ve known all of this for years, but it has been epically hard to actually DO it. Because I was floating around outside my body, dropping in for brief moments, getting hit with something and popping right back out again.
I need to practice not sending my energy - worry, fear, doubt - in the direction of all the things that don’t serve me.
I’m still learning focus. Empath overwhelm is a definite thing and can send you into the energy-emotion spin for days (weeks, months, years). There are so many things I’m capable of and so many things I want to do that I have trouble getting my energy behind one thing.
When I focus my energy, I can move mountains. We all can.