Surrender one big thing and life gets all greedy and wants you to surrender more.
Fine. (Goddamn it.)
I was all proud of myself for releasing the life-will-align-with-my-husband-and-babies-plan again, when life went, “Great! Good job! We’re just getting started!” as it rubbed its hands together like a miser in a Dickens novel faced with a large stack of gold coins.
Really? We’re just getting started, life? I thought we were DONE.
“Nope! Not even a little!”
Life, the universe, and everything can be a brutal task mistress, I tell you what.
Because suddenly I went into expansion panic, into an emotional free-for-all around my intuitive work and money.
Sometimes I just want the earth to stop shifting below my feet. Sometimes I want to stop having to yank all my stability from somewhere deep inside, because my insides are tired.
But the universe thinks my insides are doing just fine, and tells me to keep going.
So much of our ego and safety and self-worth is tangled up with our work and creativity and bank accounts. Unspooling those threads feels destabilizing, even as it allows for stronger foundations to form.
Here’s what I’ve learned as I feel into what’s next for me on this ride of fulfilling my earthly purpose:
Get comfortable being uncomfortable. You’re fine.
Lift your hands off the steering wheel. You’re trying to steer a matchbook car and we’re trying to chauffeur you around in a Bentley.
Stop trying to stuff yourself into a box. There is no box and never was.
Surrender. Everything is so much easier and so much more fun this way, please do it already.
Note to self: Surrender isn’t giving up.
Surrender is trusting that there are other forces at work.
Surrender is sinking into the idea that you don’t need to have all the answers. Or any of them.
If things don’t look the way you want or expect, it’s because room is being made for something better.
Since I don’t know what this moment requires, in terms of my work or my money or my writing or any of the life purpose things up for review right now, I have to soften in and trust myself, trust what I’m shown, trust my guides, and know that there is no such thing as failure.
Know that I am protected and loved and supported, just as we all are.
Whenever I check in lately, I get “write more.” Because my plan was always to spend half my time on my writing and the other half on my intuitive work (energy healings, readings, channeling the guides, etc). Maybe that’s the emotional rumbling I’m feeling. My higher self is shaking me down to remind me of what I was always here to do, and what I’ve forgotten or resisted or found hard lately.
So here’s to room for something better, for all of us. Here’s to surrendering into the arms of peace and joy and love and whatever the fuck is in it for us when we finally let the universe wrest control from our hot little hands.
And to writing more, in whatever form that takes.