I made a chicken the other night.
(Also chicken stock. Chicken hash. Chicken sandwiches. More chicken hash.)
Turns out, a whole chicken is too much for one person.
But I’m so proud of myself. For making a real meal, instead of eating popcorn for dinner again. Even if dealing with all this chicken is now my full-time job.
We all want to feel loved and cared for. But sometimes - often, always - we have to love and care for ourselves.
So I’m dusting off the crockpot I have literally never used and making myself a meal. I wake up and do yoga. I've stopped dating, checking social media, and drinking coffee.
I’m cleaning out my body and my life, because that feels good right now.
Part of cleaning out my life has been sorting through every last thing I own, including what’s stashed in the storage closet and tries to give me a cardboard box-induced concussion every time I open the door.
Buried in the closet were notebooks dating back from 2012. Reading through years of your life in one sitting will show you some common themes, common themes you might miss in the day-to-day of paying bills and doing dishes and remembering to brush your teeth.
Aforementioned Common Themes:
Apparently, my inner guidance has been yelling at me about doing youtube videos since 2013. So...do that?
I’m very, very hard on myself.
- My relationships have always fallen apart when I started taking care of the other person instead of taking care of myself. Yes, there are layers to this and of course you should care for the ones you love. But I’ve learned that I have to put my own oxygen mask on first. When I don’t, everything falls apart.
I’m learning (and relearning, again and again) how to love myself, how to care for myself.
So I'm taking care of myself the way I would take care of a family. Cooking ridiculous amounts of chicken. Getting the exercise my body craves. Breathing into the discomfort rather than running straight to the chocolate. Being kind to myself in my own head.
Because things are shifting. We’re being prepared for something new, something big. Something greater than we can imagine from our present place.
You probably feel this. Maybe you have a new job lined up or are getting ready to move to another state, and you know how your life is shifting but you don’t know how it will look or feel. Or maybe you sense that imminent change - knowing down to your bone and sinew that it’s coming - but you can’t see it yet.
Since I’m in the “can’t see it yet” camp, I’m just being present. Doing my best not to fret about my blinders and tuning in to my intuition and my body and my feelings instead. So that I’m ready for whenever things do change, whether it’s tomorrow or next week or next month.
Because whatever comes next, for all of us, is going to be really good. Trust that, and keep preparing.
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