Modern Witchy Woman Submission
Hi, I’m Amber and I Talk to Unicorns
If you asked me what I wanted in life, I would've said "fancy job with free coffee, house next to birch trees, husband and a couple of kids."
It seems the universe doesn't give the faintest flying flip about my plans because, instead, I end up with unicorns.
Turns out, the moment you get comfortable talking to Jesus and Joan of Arc, the unicorns show up. Like, “Girl, you thought talking to Jesus was weird? We've got news.”
But unicorns aren’t just the province of pre-teen girls - or 39-year-old women who buy glittery silver horns and strap them to their head. Unicorns have powerful sacred energy - and a lot to teach us.
Now, I do hear myself when I say things like this. As I type, I wonder “Have I gone actual crazy? After years of being entirely too attached to a stuffed therapy otter, has it finally happened? Have I officially circled the bend and taken up residence?"
I might have. Honest to god, I might. But if I'm going to be in the nut house - whether between literal padded walls or the metaphoric nut house of this ever-more-surreal-world - I definitely want the unicorns in there with me.
Unicorns ride Harleys past me on the freeway when I'm cranky. Shake pom-poms when I need a pep talk. Dance conga lines through my head when I'm sad. Join Jesus on the trampoline at my seventh-dimension birthday party, tumbling and flying like rainbow-hued equine gymnasts.
When I'm in a particularly human moment and need a lift, the unicorns show up as cartoons - complete with candy colors and goofy horse grins. When I'm tapping into their energy and channeling their power, they become the glowing silvered creatures beloved by fantasy illustrations.
But there's a reason unicorns are plastered all over the internet and prancing down hundreds of streets on Halloween. There's a reason so many of us are drawn to them. Even Starbucks tried to blend them up and shove them into a frappuccino.
Magical creatures - like unicorns, like dragons, even giraffes - have a profound medicine for us. Hidden for eons because humanity had contracted to the point where we just couldn't handle them outside the realm of myth and basement Dungeons & Dragons tournaments, unicorns are making a comeback worthy of The Rolling Stones. Because we're expanding again. Our darkness is rising up to be seen and felt and, honored. Our light is busting open the seams of this reality so that the reality we've known will never look the same.
One thing I've learned - buried between the many lessons I'm sure I'm still missing - is that when I flow with what feels good, life gets easier.
When I let myself be swept away by the unicorn crazy, I feel better. When I resist it, I feel worse.
So the path forward is clear - and leads straight to unicorns.
But no one quite knows what to do with this - including me. My friends start to edge away. My mother never has any idea what to tell her friends when they ask what I do for a living. “Oh, she channels Jesus and unicorns” is a good way to get uninvited to book club.
Unfortunately, unicorns can be really goddamn pushy.
Magical animals ignored for thousands of years will get that way when humanity finally starts to see and hear them again. And if they’ve chosen you to help get their message out, they’re not going to be super concerned with, say, your need to be normal - or your need to be sleeping at 3 a.m.
Ascended masters have some experience being human and will quietly acknowledge your bedtime and need for mashed potatoes and Netflix. Magical animals don’t give a sweet damn and will horn in on everything from your breakfast burrito to your third viewing of Hart of Dixie.
You try ignoring impatient seventh dimensional beings with horns and tell me how that goes for you. I was feeling reasonably resigned to my fate until I met a channeler in Mount Shasta who said, “What, you don’t set office hours?”
Dear Unicorns: You must now adhere to the posted hours, hours which do not include three in the morning. Please also steer clear while I’m watching Queer Eye. Consider yourselves notified.
Am I crazy? Maybe. But aren't we all a little crazy? Even when our lives are relatively normal-looking - something I still profoundly wish for on occasion - we all still have some crazy in us, whether it's latent, emerging, or flying proudly on a flag.
When it comes to channeling unicorns - especially owning that shit on Facebook - the last remaining cinders of my ego shriek "HELL NO." But the rest of me is on board.
Because if you’re going to go nuts, you may as well do it while riding a unicorn into Starbucks.
Bio: Amber Adrian is a bridge between humans and their magic. She helps sensitive souls dive into their intuitive superpowers and unlock their most profound creative gifts - because you and your work are so deeply needed. Amber is a storyteller and energetic healer who channels Jesus and unicorns. As one does. Hang out with her at amberadrian.com or on instagram.