What I Learned About Winning From a Cutthroat Game of Sorry

I’m not much of a winner. At least when it comes to things like card games, contests, or croquet. 

My competitive spirit doesn’t get riled up by something that comes in a box, is meant to be entertaining, and has no significant impact on my life.

But there is one exception. 

Have you ever played Sorry? I’m obsessed. The version that lives at my mom’s house looks like it was printed in the late 1970s and the box is about two insincere sorrys away from disintegrating into a cloud of dust. It started coming out at family holidays a few years ago, and it’s become one of my favorite things about Christmas.

Sorry is fun because there are strategies to employ, but it’s mostly luck. You can be three moves away from winning and get sent right back to the beginning. You can be top dog and land abruptly back to the bottom. It’s exhilarating. 

This Christmas, we played three games of Sorry. I lost the first game and got mad. Since games don’t tend to register very high on my “This Matters”-o-meter, this was a weird moment for me.

As we set up for the second game, I decided to win.

Suddenly, winning was my destiny. I was calm, focused, and ready to dominate.

When my brother sent me back to the beginning, even though it would have been better for him to kick off someone else’s piece, I didn’t get mad again. I just calmly thought, “That’s okay, I’m going to win.” 

When I went from almost winning to behind every other player, I thought, “That’s okay, I’m going to win.” 

“That’s okay, I’m going to win” was my only strategy.

Guess what? I won. And then I won again. 

It was deeply life affirming.

Here’s what I didn’t do: 

I didn’t give up or change my end goal, even when it looked like I had no chance of triumph. 

My mom decide she couldn’t win when the board got stacked against her. So she changed her aim from winning to getting two pieces to the end. She got those two pieces home, but didn’t win. By adjusting her end game, she got what she said she wanted but didn’t win.

My brother got annoyed when his strategies didn’t work, and gave up. I get it, I tend to do that a lot in life, but it’s definitely not going to get you very far.

I also didn’t try to micromanage the game. I didn’t think things like, “I’m going to roll a ten to get ahead.” Or “I’m going to take my brother down, because his strategy bit me in the butt.” I just repeated my internal mantra of - you guessed it - “That’s okay, I’m going to win.” 

By remaining calm and focused, I had fun and I won. Twice.

Afterward, when I shared my strategy, Brandon said, “Now you just need to do that in life.” 

Haha sigh.

It’s definitely easier to stay focused during a 45-minute board game than it is for the seasons, years, decades it takes to bring big dreams to fruition.

It’s easier to float in zen-like detachment when it comes to a board game with nothing at stake than it is when it come to money or relationships or other things it feels like your happiness and security rely on.

But ultimately, our emotions aren’t the determining factor of what we receive or accomplish. It’s our focus.

So how do I take my Christmas board game wins and apply this lesson to the other things in my life?

How do we stay focused yet unattached to the outcome when it comes to things we really want?

My suspicion is that the secret is to have fun in the process. If I had won the game but had a lousy time it wouldn’t have been worth it. The only way to accomplish big things is to sustain focus - and, for me, the best way to do that is make sure I’m having plenty of fun while doing what it takes to get where I want to go.

One of my big goals in 2026 is making sure I’m having fun doing the things that are important to me. Creating ways to have fun while writing my books and running my intuitive business. Carving out time during the week to do things like roller-skate and go to the movie theater and see friends.

Because struggling through and giving up when it gets hard is no fun at all.

With love,

Amber

How To Determine If You’re a Specific or a Nonspecific Manifester

For a long time, I thought manifestation was bullshit.

It felt like the harder I tried, the less it worked.

Here’s what I was missing: an accurate understanding of how manifestation works for me.

We each have our own unique manifestation style, guided in large part by whether we’re a Specific or Nonspecific Manifester.

I was trying to manifest specific goals. But when I started getting obsessed with Human Design and learned that I’m a Nonspecific Manifester, my creation process began to make more sense.

If manifestation never seems to work for you, this may be why:

You’re a nonspecific manifester in a world built for specific manifesters. 

You thrive on vibes not logic.

You’re meant to zigzag toward joy instead of chaining yourself to your to-do list.

The more you focus on the outcome, the more frustrated you become.

The more you lean into how you want to feel, moment by moment, day by day, the more the universe rearranges reality in your favor.

Most of the manifestation information out there is geared toward specific manifesters. So if it feels like it never works, it’s not your fault. You’re just built differently.

Here’s How to Find out if You’re a specific or Nonspecific Manifester:

According to Human Design, we all have our own unique manifestation style. Knowing if you’re a Specific or a Nonspecific Manifester shows you how to best set goals and use your unique energy in manifestation. Your designation is based on your manifestation arrow, the bottom right arrow on your Human Design chart.

Step 1: Get Your Human Design Chart

You’ll need your exact birth date, time, and place.

You can generate a free chart here.

Step 2: Find the Bottom Right Arrow

Look for the four arrows around your head in the chart. They correspond to different aspects of awareness and manifestation. The bottom right arrow indicates your manifestation style.

Step 3: Check the Direction of the Bottom Right Arrow

If it points left, you’re a Specific Manifester.

Meaning, you manifest best when you’re clear and detailed about what you want. Focusing on details will help you receive and create what you want.

If it points right, you’re a Nonspecific Manifester.

Meaning, you manifest best when you focus on the feeling, essence, or vibe of what you want. Stay open to how it comes - and the universe fills in the details.

an easy way to remember the manifestation types:

Specific manifestation is a golden retriever.

You can train it to obey you. You still want to provide a healthy environment, but in general, the golden retriever will go where you tell it to go. 

Nonspecific manifestation is a slightly feral cat.

If you’ve ever met a cat, you know you can’t force it to do anything. All you can do is provide a safe environment and let the cat go where it wants, when it wants. The more you try to herd the cat, the more frustrated you’ll become. 

Most of the manifestation advice floating around on social media and bookshelves is designed for Specific Manifesters, the people who can slam their wizard staff to the ground and proclaim “I will create $10,000 this week.” And then they do it and get to feel smug. 

But for Nonspecific Manifesters, the more we aim for outcome, the more we cling to the end goal, the more aggressively we fail. As a Nonspecific Manifester, you’re meant to focus on how you want to feel. 

If you’ve ever tried to follow someone else’s plan to get something, and it feels like that never works…you’re probably a Nonspecific Manifester. You’re meant to skip steps. Where a Specific Manifester can follow a designated path from point A to Z, you probably need to zig zag. Veer off course because it feels fun. Go rollerskating instead of sticking to your to-do list for the day, because that’s how you stay in the frequency of the result you’re calling in. 

Specific manifesters get to feel super smug when they set and strategically reach that one million dollar goal. 

Nonspecific manifesters also get to feel smug, but they can’t cling to the end result. They have to bask in the vibes of how they want to feel and trust the universe to rearrange things in their favor, and not get discouraged when it comes in a different way before it shows up in the way they hoped for. 

Nonspecific bonus: roller skating instead of to do lists. Zigzagging toward joy instead of sticking to a plan. 

Love, Amber

P.S. If you want to go even deeper and learn about how you can apply these principles more powerfully in your own life, we talk about Specific and Nonspecific Manifestation in more depth in Magic Money Potion, so if you’re interested in more, join Cash Activator to get access. For more support, come to one of the group coaching sessions and I’d be happy to help you out with applying this in your own life.

Why You're So Tired Right Now

Today the answer is actually not because the world is a trash fire of existential despair.

Today’s answer is: Blame the moon.

That’s right, it’s the balsamic moon again!

I shout about the balsamic moon from the rooftops because if you’ve been pushing too hard or overdoing it in any way, the balsamic moon is when you’ll feel it.

You’ll be exhausted and have no idea why. The siren call of the nap will become impossible to ignore. You’ll trigger more easily. You will want to do zero things. You will politely request the entire world to come to a halt so you can climb into bed for three days.

If you haven’t been overdoing it over the past month, you might not feel it. Or just decide your bedtime is half an hour earlier than usual and call it a moon cycle.

But for those of us recovering perfectionists who are healing the hustle mentality and trying to exorcise the demon capitalism from our bodies?

We gonna wanna nap.

For years, I would crash face first into my couch for about three days every month and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. It didn’t seem to have anything to do with what was happening in my life or my own cycle. But when I started paying attention to the moon, I received my witch bonus: Getting to schedule the balsamic moon into my calendar so I wouldn’t accidentally plan anything that requires leaving the house.

So if you’ve been pushing yourself over the last month, you’re burning out (or already on fire), or have extra stresses in your life right now, this might be the moment when you crash. So give yourself the space and grace to take the rest as it comes.

If you’re doing fine, thanks, just take this as a moment to bank a bit of extra sleep.

Are you feeling it this month? Or are you good?

Tell me!

💛 Amber

P.S. I’m okay so far. I took a brief lunchtime nap and felt like the grocery store might do me in, but I’m not catatonic. 👍🏻

P.P.S. The balsamic moon is the three to four days before the new moon. It’s a time to rest, release, and open up to new visions. But mostly rest.

The Most Important Thing To Know About Gratitude

Or, perhaps more accurately, the most important thing I’ve learned about gratitude after years of being annoyed by those Instagram posts urging me to “Be grateful!” when everything felt like it was collapsing, and then I had to feel terrible about not being able to feel grateful for my objectively lovely life.

Here’s the Secret:

You can’t spackle gratitude over pain that needs to be acknowledged. You can’t paste appreciation over feelings that need to be felt.

I mean, you CAN. You can do anything. I believe in you.

But here’s a piece that’s often missing when people talk about gratitude and appreciation practices. Which are wonderful and life-changing - appreciation is an energy that can shift your perspective and experience in a hot second - but you can’t skip over the feelings to get there.

If the very thought of a gratitude practice annoys the ever-loving snit out of you? (Been there. Fist bump, friend.) It’s time to dredge up the feelings. Check in with yourself to see what needs to be felt, acknowledged, loved, listened to, met as a friend. When we do that, when we let ourselves rant, yell, vent, complain, or otherwise yank up whatever goop we’ve been trying to stuff into our spleen, that’s when gratitude and appreciation begins to rise up naturally.

We won’t have to grasp for it or force it. It will just float to the top. Because all the heavier feelings sitting on top of the true appreciation have lifted.

My experience with gratitude - even for my objectively very lovely life - has shown me over and over that if I try to jump to gratitude without honoring my upset or frustration just doesn’t work.

As a champion feelings suppresser born of world-class repressers, I had to learn how to do this. (My whole family has done a lot of work here, except for my Dad who died first. One could argue he died to get out of it. Feel your feels! It will keep you alive!) I had to learn how to feel first. Say my piece. Vent a bit. Get out whatever’s festering.

If I could say one thing to the world, it would be this:

If you’re feeling blocked - creatively, financially, or anywhere else - there may be some feelings to acknowledge. Listen to them. Feel them as sensation in your body without writing a whole Broadway musical about them. (I mean, DO write a whole Broadway musical about them. But if you’re trying to write that musical and can’t, it’s probably because your feelings will be divas until you say “hi” and “how can I help” and “you’re pretty.”)

Once you feel the things, you won’t have to force the appreciation, creativity, or love. It will be a part of you. You won’t have to feel bad about not being able to muster up gratitude for your objectively lovely life. You can just bask. Until the feelings return.

Blogging Like It's 2006

When your partner looks at you across the breakfast table and says, “You aren’t being authentic” while you’re eating pancakes, it feels like a knife in the heart.

First of all, my soul is made of pancakes so I was as authentic as I could possibly be in that moment.

Second of all, since my authentic self has a wildly unhinged sense of humor and a lot of feelings - and I’ve been trying to keep a lid on a lot of that lately - I guess it’s true.

I’ve definitely fallen prey to some of those misguided “I am an adult and thus must be a perfect reflection of society’s construct of a responsible human” beliefs. Pro tip: Don’t do that. I’d much rather be a free range weirdo.

Our conversation about authenticity was actually in reference to my work and my writing. Since my job for the past number of years has basically been “help people get their shit together” (albeit in an unconventional way), I’ve felt like I need to have my shit together. Since I don’t have my shit together - at least not in the socially acceptable way - I haven’t wanted to talk about it, which has hamstrung my ability to communicate and share in the way I used to and really enjoyed.

I haven’t wanted to write about my real experience, because my real experiences don’t feel like something you can have if you’re also attempting to help other people. Yes, I hear all the things wrong with that sentence.

While I did have it together in the culturally-conditioned way - good job, paying rent on a house, etc - in my twenties, my older self has her shit together in a more real way. Less social currency, but more ability to function in a way that works for me and my brand of peculiarities. My older self is more, one might even say, authentic.

Maybe I also stopped because I thought I had to outgrow my weird, unhinged self the way I once thought I had to abandon cartoon t-shirts on the altar of being a mature adult.

Since I still wear t-shirts with llamas riding bicycles, maybe I get to reclaim my unhinged writing style. While I’ve become (arguably) more authentic to myself and who I am and what I want and need, my writing has become less so.

Really, I just want to return to the wildly unhinged blogging days of yore, when it was 2006 and we weren’t worried about branding or selling or SEO or anything much beyond LET ME TELL YOU WHAT MY DOG JUST DID. NOW I’M WRITING A RESUME FOR MY DOG. HERE’S MY DOG IN HIS BEST WORK ATTIRE, NOW FIELDING OFFERS and then posting a picture of your dog in a tie?

Remember those halcyon blogging days? I want those back. Because that style of writing was fun and endorphinizing and helped me write myself to answers, answers my current self could really use. It felt really true to me, in a way the current style - at least the style I’ve adopted - doesn’t.

I just want to write about my nonexistent dog in a nonexistent tie.

Whatever happened, most of my writing over the past few years has been sadly hinged, rather than gleefully unhinged.

Yesterday’s solar eclipse was smack dab over my midheaven - meaning, big changes are coming in my career. I’ve been feeling this for weeks - the chaos is real, my friends - and thusfar it seems to mean returning to the way I used to write.

Do we have to share all the messy parts of our lives in order to be authentic? That gong you hear is a resounding no from the universe. Do we have to be sanitized versions of ourselves to help other people? That’s another big no gong.

But here’s the thing: For whatever reason, I can’t get there. I don’t seem able to write the way I want to without sharing the mess in a way that I won’t do if I’m doing my current work.

Honestly, I feel a little betrayed by the fact that I’m not going to know what yesterday’s eclipse did to my career and writing for quite awhile yet. I want to know now. I want to know if the only way I can go back to being Unhinged Amber is to shut down my business. I want to know if I just need to scale way back so I have the time and energy and don’t feel the need to present myself in any particular way, but can still do the work I do love doing in many respects.

Or do I just need to find a job and focus on unhinged blogging and writing my books in my off hours?

I don’t know. But maybe if I keep writing whatever I want to write, those answers will come.