Resistance Fighters

Building a business will yank up everyone of your demons and wave them, skeletons rattling, in front of your nose.

I’ve spent the last five plus years looking inward. Clearing out the gunk, connecting with my soul, going into the shadows so that I can trust the light.  

But in order to build my work - both my writing and my work with writers - in the way I want and need to, I don't have the luxury of dancing with my demons any more. 

Oh, they’ll show up, and stronger than ever. But I can’t give them as much of my time. In order to help people transform in the way I know is possible, in order to write the words I know will help, I have to ground myself in simple forward steps. I have to take care of myself. I have to pay rigorous attention to my thoughts and where my focus lands.

Last week was intense. I got sucked into all the swirling negativity of my head. You aren’t making enough money, you’ll never make enough money, too many things have to happen before you can make the money you need, you have to increase your audience by a zillion before you can do the work you want to do. Et cetera to infinity.

It happens. Especially when you’re pushing so far out of your comfort zone that you can't even remember the zip code where your comfort once resided. But I just don’t have time to let the brain gremlins brought forth by the demons get the better of me.

So they won’t. Resistance will be weeded out and the demon skeletons will be sent to rattle elsewhere. Because I have work to do. 

Left to Roll

Dance class usually makes me feel better about life - I get to spin and move, endorphins kick in, sweat flows, my brain disengages, and my daily life disappears for an hour. 

But today, I couldn't get the backward roll. Tip onto your right elbow, swing your left foot above your head, tuck your chin, roll to the back of the room. I just couldn't get there. As I stood behind my section of the class, scrambling to catch up while everyone else rolled perfectly with the music, I got hit with it: 

If I don't do it right, I'm alone. 

It felt like the room expanded and contracted around me as my heart flipped in my rib cage. One of the main limiting beliefs that's driven my life clicked into place like the last puzzle piece. 

Perfectionism is a tender spot for me. There's always this need to "do it right" and I think I finally understand why. If I don't do it right, then I get left out. If I don't do it right, then everyone rolls without me and I don't know how to catch up. 

Pretty deep for a Wednesday morning. 

Catching where we limit ourselves is crucial. Because I'm tired and it's been a long week, a long month, a long year, I don't know quite what I'm going to do with this. But awareness is plenty for now. Along with the knowledge that there is no right, there is no wrong, and I'm not going to be left behind if I'm not perfect.  

Christmas Obsessions

Surprising absolutely no one, my Christmas tree is ninety-seven percent animal. Glittering orange elephants march alongside homemade dragonflies. Flying pigs coast over mice sporting acorn caps. Thieving raccoons eye cheerfully beaded quail.

I love Christmas. Sticking my nose in my evergreen wreath, hot spiced cider, wrapping gifts. I love the music and the movies and dressing my car like Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. Yes, I’m that person. So in that spirit ... 

Here's What I'm Obsessed With This December

Victorian Advent Calendar: My aunt sent me this digital Victorian advent calendar and it's charming. It's an animated Victorian village where snowflakes lightly fall and you can decorate the town Christmas tree and scroll around and be all steeped in Christmas cheer. Every morning I get all excited to click and see what's new. If you're a Christmas and Victoriana nerd like me, it's totally worth the four bucks. 

Christmas animal stories: I'm recording audio versions of the Christmas stories from my book, March of the Animals. One is being released every Thursday and I just love these stories so much. The first one is called Dance of the Dormouse and you can listen to it here. 

Essential Oils: I use them to lift my mood, my energy, and my vibration. I've been diffusing Holiday Joy every day and it makes my life smell like an evergreen forest in December. 

Candles: Burning candles at all hours of the day means I've had to replenish my stash twice in two weeks. But it brings light to the gloom and I feast on the warm glow. Metaphorically, of course.

Tea Cider: Credit for this genius idea goes to Peet's, but I've started making my own version at home. Fill one third of a mug with hot spiced cider from Trader Joe's and fill the rest with Orange Dulce Mighty Leaf tea and it's the best ever. 

Being pagan about winter: My witchy self loves winter solstice. Flickering candles on my altar, burning sage to clear old energies, reflecting on the year and creating what I want in the new. I love how pagan tradition brings light to the darkest part of the year.