These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

One of the best things about the internet is learning about what people love. What small thing they bought or found for free that has a big impact on their daily life. So here are some things that have improved my life enough that I want to tell you about them, yell them into the ether, just in case this is exactly what you’ve been looking for or didn’t know you needed.

(I’m getting paid to talk about none of these things. I just love them and use them daily - with the exception of the novels, all of which I have read a few times but not, you know, constantly. Everything is free or under $40.)

Work

I’ve been working for myself and from home for over a decade now, but it wasn’t until my friend, client, and baller writer Simone Paget told me about these two things that my routine really clicked in and my big dreams started moving forward.

Cave Day

Zoom co-working at its finest, showing up regularly for three hour work sessions gives form and a solid container to my work goals. Every day, I show up to my writing - random writing in the morning and novel in the afternoon - and this is how I get drafts done in mere months and also soothe the “OH MY GOD HAVE I DONE ENOUGH” fears that are prone to creeping in when you’re your own boss. (Yes, you have done enough. Even if all you did is lie on the couch, you have done enough.) If I show up for one Cave session a day, I’m a badass. If I show up for two Cave sessions in a day, I’m ready to declare myself queen of the world.

(If you sign up for their newsletter, you can get a free week of membership to try it out.)

Brain FM

While this harnesses brain science (or something), I mostly just tried it because Simone recommended it - and then I noticed how much I was getting done when I used it, and how effortlessly I dropped into a flow state, something that had been eluding me for [muffled mumble] months.

In the morning, I use it for a fifteen minute meditation session and then any time I’m working, I click over to focused work or light work or whatever I need and let it harness my brain waves to getting shit done.

(You can try it out for free for a few days to see if it works for you.)

Health

Abraham Hicks

Ever since I got slammed by some serious limiting beliefs plus anxiety plus insomnia plus pandemic, I’ve been working to re-wire my brain and tighten up my thought patterns, so I can use my brain for good instead of awful. Listening to Abraham Hicks has been one of the primary ways I’ve been able to shift things and get my energy flowing again. Youtube is stuffed with fifteen-minute segments of Esther Hicks channeling Abraham and it’s the best no-nonsense and often hilarious manifestation and life guidance I’ve ever heard.

(If you want to ask your own question, Esther is doing weekly livestreams here.)

Bluetooth headband

Because I have turned into my mother and only recognize and adopt technology ten years after everyone else (ask my mom about using an ATM in the ‘80s), I didn’t even know this was a thing until my boyfriend sent me a link. When I lived alone and woke up at 3 in the morning fueled by anxiety and insomnia, I could just turn on whatever I wanted and fall back asleep with Trevor Noah echoing through the room. But when there’s someone next to you, turning on Netflix in bed at 3:30 in the morning is considered rude. Listening with my ear buds was not ideal - the cord was obnoxious and the hard plastic of the ear buds was uncomfortable if I wanted to turn over. So finding a soft headband with bluetooth speakers - no cords! comfy on my side! can pull the headband over my eyes like a sleep mask! - was a legit WHERE HAS THIS BEEN MY WHOLE LIFE moment. And it was only twenty bucks, which is a life-changing investment I can fully get behind.

Using this headband is how I listen to the Brain FM meditations and Abraham Hicks and all the stand-up comedians that soothe my soul when I wake up at 4 in the morning and need to escape the workings of my own brain.

Elation tincture

Back before contagion was running rampant and we were all just hanging out together indoors willy-nilly, I would drive to San Francisco to visit my favorite healer who was studying acupuncture and Chinese medicine. She would stick me with needles and figure out the weird health issues that stump Kaiser and send me on my way with a paper bag full of Chinese herbs. She made me a blend for anxiety that I called my Chill Out tea. When we went into lockdown, I sent her a flustered email because I was due for more Chill Out herbs and everything was all STAY HOME AND STAY ALIVE. I wanted to stay alive but chilling out was also essential at that time. She sent me the link to this tincture, made from the same formula. Used daily, it has the same chill out effects, and I love it.

Fit On

I haven’t been to a gym in a really long time. I also can’t fit into half of my clothes right now, which is not my favorite thing because oh my god the laundry. This is the best free workout app I’ve found, and the days I use it are always better days than the ones where I consider walking to the kitchen for kettle chips or chasing the cats away from the lizards my exercise. (Both do count as exercise, but you don’t get to be quite as smug about it.)

Yoga with Adriene

Who doesn’t love Yoga with Adriene? She has the kind of energy you just want to roll around in and she’s a fantastic yoga teacher. She’s my youtube go-to any time I need some yoga.

Fun Things To Read

I just want to spend my life reading and writing novels. Novels that make me happy to be alive, that make me believe in love in a new way, novels that help the world feel delightful again. Here are a few that fit that bill for me:

Anything by Sarah Addison Allen. I read The Sugar Queen first and got hooked. Reading all her novels became my mission, one I’m proud to say that - with some help from Christmas gifts - I have accomplished.

The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman. Like Harry Potter, this book is mashed potatoes for my soul.

The All Souls trilogy by Deborah Harkness. If witches and vampires aren’t your thing this may not be for you, but there’s also history and magic and time travel and wine and libraries and many other wonderful things.

The Friend Zone series by Abby Jimenez. The third one comes out next week and I like these books so much that I’m calling Copperfield’s to ask them to set one aside for me, so I don’t make the trip and then have to cry in the romance aisle because all the copies are gone.

2020

2020 was the year I slammed head-first into “If you want to have kids in this lifetime, better get on it.” It was the year I learned what codependent means and how not to do it. The year I devoted myself to that memoir, while being consistently mad at myself for not also devoting myself to that novel. It was also the year I learned how to take care of myself in a new way, because insomnia and stress were wearing me down to a nubbin.

2020 was the year I learned to do my own nails. How to live with a partner in a new way. How healing it can be to bask in the sun for an hour or three. It was the year I started cheering small businesses for keeping their doors open, actually applauding them as we drive past.

2020 was a year of big internal shifting that will not be reflected on my tax return. A year I went deeper into lessons I thought I had already learned. The year I had to learn to trust again, after losing faith.

2020 was a year of a lot of things that none of us need explained in a blog post, but we survived and even managed to find bright pockets of joy along the way.

That, my friends, is a major accomplishment and we all deserve a big round of applause. So I’m giving us one.

My Decision To Blog Regularly in 2021 Turned Into An Ode To Pixar

I just finished watching Pixar’s new movie Soul — amazing how quickly my fresh No-TV-Until-Dark resolution met its downfall — and one of the things I loved was how closely some of it mirrors my own other-dimensional journeys. Or visions, I suppose. Because I see this stuff without leaving the comfort of my bedroom — something I have a new appreciation for, after being apprised of the other options. [spoiler alert] 1) falling into a manhole, dying, trying to beat the Great Beyond, ending up in the body of a cat, and eventually proving so inspirational that you get a second chance or 2) being a sign-twirler at the peak of your craft with truly excellent facial hair.

Number 2 would actually be awesome, except I am firm enough in my own gender stereotypes that I don’t personally want facial hair.

I’ve never seen my own visions depicted in cartoon form is what I’m saying — and it was just as amazing as you’d expect. I wish a Pixar team could animate the other things in my head, especially the unicorn and peacock parade that shows up when I need some swagger. (Peacocks know how to swagger, if you ever need a boost.)

Here are those It Felt Like Pixar Was Animating The Inside of My Head visions, if you’re curious:

1. When I was young, I asked what god was and the answer I got was that all the people are sparks of light and we all merge back into one great light.

2. When I go in to deal with my fears as an adult, I often find myself in a black space, meeting what look like huge black monsters echoing my own internal negative talk until I deal with them in some manner and they dissolve into black dust.

It was fun to see what felt like the inside of my own head on the screen is what I’m saying.

I also had one of those moments where I thought that if I ever got a real job again, Pixar is the only employer I’d be interested, even though the storywriting and visioning is a job for the top of the totem pole and I don’t have any useful skills that would get me in the door. Having animated movies play in my mind on a regular basis isn’t something you can put on a resume. It’s kind of like saying, “I doodle, so put me in charge of animation. No really it’ll be fine.”

In between eating tacos for lunch and procrastinating sitting back down at my desk, I pondered what about the Pixar ethos resonates with me and how I can shoehorn that into my own life and work, rather than being annoyed that I can’t animate my own brain.

Here’s what I got: I love how the movies are always fun and funny, with an element of pure appreciation for life. But what I love most is what someone once told me is the Pixar devotion to the “fuck you in the heart” moment. Yes to that. I love that moment, in movies, in books, in the rare instances one appears in my actual life unaided by a screen.

As I’m writing this, I’m staring out my office window - the hills are cloaked in mist, grey clouds are moving through and two hawks are suspended over the valley of trees. Watching this with Trent Reznor’s Great Beyond music plays. (Just Us, to be precise.)

It was one of those: What an extraordinary world we live in, what a joy it is to just be alive moments. Since I’m in between fucked-in-the-heart moments, it will do nicely.

The 2020 Pantone Color for Fall is "Smoke"

Petaluma has been filled with smoke since August. I’ve gotten used to breathing it. I’ve also started waking up at 4 a.m. again, which is the time connected with the lungs in Chinese medicine. So I place my hands over my lungs and send them love, I feel them filling up with air I’ve purified through the strength of my not inconsiderable will, and I imagine them filling with gold light.

I also bought some herbal sleep drops that I’m taking three times a day, because there’s hippie and then there’s hippie. (Herbal sleep drops are hippie, filing your lungs with golden light is hippie. In case you were wondering.)

I don’t know how new parents do it. Two weeks of five or six hours of broken sleep a night and I can barely function. And it’s not like I’m also caring for an infant. I’m just … not sleeping. Not sleeping means watching Netflix or reading a book or lying in bed praying for sleep to take me, not feeding a tiny wailing human or praying for sleep to take it.

Despite the hazy, wildfire-filled air, I’m so happy it’s fall. I’m pulling out my sweaters and painting my nails autumnal shades and putting pie spice in my coffee. While my boyfriend yells at the maple leaves that fall on his head, I’m super excited to pull out my furry boots and put them on my feet.

Work feels like it’s shifting, I feel like I’m shifting, but I’m not yet sure what we’re shifting into. I’m doing my best to just exist happily in the mystery and do whatever feels right in the moment, rather than worry about it incessantly as per my usual. The thing I do know: Writing has been feeling like a big focus again, after years of putting all my energy into the channeling / healing / and other intuitive hippie pursuits. Now I just want to write atmospheric novels like Night Circus and Candy Queen and take naps. While this particular pendulum swings wildly back and forth (one month it’s on one side of the spectrum, the next month is the polar opposite), it feels like I’m supposed to be channeling healing and guidance just for me right now, and not so much for everyone else. It feels like I’m meant to be going through my video archives and receiving all the embedded channeling and healing for me, and maybe repurposing what I’ve already created to share with people in a new way. That feels really fun right now. Like my creation is supposed to be sharing stories and experiences rather than channeling.

It feels like I just need to choose what I want and follow it - subtracting worry and over-thinking and weird self-esteem nonsense from the equation. It feels like I’m supposed to fill my cup and let that spill over into the rest of the world, rather than me trying to fix anything for anyone else.

P.S. Out of sheer curiosity, I just checked the official Pantone color for 2020. It’s blue. This feels wildly appropriate psychologically and wildly hopeful politically.

Work To Do

Nothing like a global pandemic, human hooliganism, and rampant uncertainty to make you feel powerless. While also reminding us that all we can ever do is pay attention to this moment, and do our best to positively effect moments to come.

Questions I keep asking myself:

1. How can I take care of myself in this moment?

2. How can I help today?

This is what we can do now: Take some small action to either help ourselves or help others, while remembering that helping yourself helps others and helping others helps you. (Well-played, universe!)

Big change wants to happen. Big change in the world and big change for each of us individually.

I’ve been feeling the big change breathing down my neck for years - especially around the summer solstice. For some reason late June is always when I take a good hard look at my life - and occasionally blow something sky high.

Right now, it feels like everything in my life is up for grabs. Where I live, who I spend my time with, what my life will look like from here. It’s unsettling, but it also forces me to do my work. Spend time really checking in to see where my soul wants me to go from here, heal anything left unresolved so the same patterns don’t keep repeating, take care of my health - mental, physical, emotional, and energetic - so I have the ability and strength to do whatever needs to be done.

I have a lot of work to do. The world has a lot of work to do.

It can be hard to do that kind of work when we’re all so tired. So self-care has become more important than ever, just when it feels the least possible or the most selfish. But that is when devoted self-care becomes imperative. Resting, taking time for yourself, time to do whatever nurtures you and makes you happy. This is on longer optional. Because 2020 is not letting up and we need to meet it as best we can from a space of being filled to the brim, not depleted AF.

We need to trust ourselves and trust the course of our lives. Which, again, feels like one of the hardest things to do, especially now.

So this is my new mantra, one that I may need to tattoo on my forearm so I don’t keep forgetting: