Emotional Support Blog

After a few rough nights of sleep, my brain is bouncing down a more negative track than I enjoy. So I’m doing a little light comfort blogging. A few bad dreams, a little peri-menopause-induced insomnia, and more late night doom scrolling than is good for anyone and I need a perspective shift.

So I’m going to write myself to one. Writers are transformation creators and healers and paradigm shifters, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Onward to a sweeter, less panicked, less anxious view of the day and of life and of the world!

Let’s start with some self-recognition. Because if you don’t recognize yourself, who will?

I got myself out of bed - good job, Amber! Started a fire - nicely done on not losing your ever-loving snit when the wood-burning stove door wouldn’t open, Amber! I even did last night’s dishes - PARADE OF GLITTER-FLINGING GIRAFFES FOR YOU, AMBER! After this impressive burst of productivity, I’ve made a nest in front of the fire, put extra maple syrup in my cacao, and fired up my blog for this experience of mental and emotional transfiguration.

As I was doing the dishes, I started talking to myself. This is healthier than it sounds, because I was saying things like “I plan on having a good day today” and “I am open to magic today” and “I am ready for good things to happen today.” It helps more than you might think.

The amount of work it takes to stay in a good mental space is mind-boggling. Sometimes circumstances support you - you had a good night of sleep, your hormones are doing the right things, or something nice just happened. That’s when it’s so much easier to keep your brain and emotions on a good-feeling track. But sometimes, circumstances just aren’t helping you out. So you have to talk to yourself in the kitchen.

Other things I do to help myself shift into something that feels better, things I will probably do a bit later, are morning pages (see Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way), tapping (look up ‘emotional freedom technique’ for more on that), writing out my intentions, doing some stretches and weight lifting, eating a nice breakfast (I made an apple crumble earlier this week that is delightful with a couple of pork sausages), and trying to convince the cats to cuddle with me. Breathing deeply, moving, writing, cleaning, anything to shift the energy around.

I’m doing my best to appreciate how truly lovely my life is, to keep myself on a steady course so that I can help in the ways I’m able.

Appreciation, pleasure, and love are some of the most powerful ways to shift, but it can take some work to get there sometimes. It takes practice. There was a long time when I struggled to access any of those things, and it was scary. So now I’m doing everything I can, as often as I can, to stay in the habit of feeling good.

Feeling good is a revolutionary act, my friends.

Tending My Quiet Corner of the Internet

One of my favorite things about writing here is that no one really knows this blog exists. It lends it the flavor of a personal diary. It feels quiet and safe. And that - at least in this moment in time - that feels very welcome. It allows me to practice writing again after so long away. It allows me to tune in with my heart and soul with zero concerns about what the reaction might be.

With all the noise and unhinged world events, I want to create a space that feels safe and supportive to everyone. So I’ll be quietly practicing here until it feels time to get bigger.

Here’s how my quiet corner of the world feels today:

It feels soft, yet expansive. California sun is streaming in the windows (I’m not complaining about the fact that it feels like spring, but it does worry me just a hair) and my nervous system feels relaxed because I’ve been supporting it like nobody’s business. We’re all walking around in a trauma echo chamber, so supporting your body and boundaries becomes a must instead of a maybe.

I’m drinking my winter support tea in front of the fire. Not to brag, but it seems to be doing its job. I’m still wearing real clothes, but my cozy slippers are on and I’m huddled under my noise-canceling headphones even though I’m the only one in the house except for the cats.

So much feels like it’s ready to shift* and I’m doing my utmost to help it shift for the better.

*Though I would like it noted that when I said I wanted a timeline shift, I didn’t mean back to T*ump.

How am I doing that, you might ask. I SHALL TELL YOU. By staying in the god zone (isn’t that a great phrase?), ruthlessly curating my thoughts and beliefs, breathing through any stickiness or fear that pops up in my chest, and planning as many lovely real world activities like rollerskating and time with family and friends as I can.

Take care of yourselves, my friends. It’s the best place to start when it feels like the world is in turmoil.

Fellow Early Risers Unite (Not to Take Over the World Or Anything But To Share Cacao Recipes)

Nothing is nicer than waking up in the cool dark of the early morning to make a fire in the fire place and read or write for awhile before the world wakes up. I turn on the classical radio station I’ve been listening to my entire life, and let the cats in or out, then out or in again. At least two - usually three or four - hot beverages make their way into my mug.

If you’re wondering how many hot beverages one can possibly drink in the morning, especially because I’m avoiding coffee right now (not because I want to avoid coffee, but because my poor, beleaguered adrenals demand it), allow me to share the mania. I drink two cups of winter support tea with elderberry, rosehips, and ginger every day during the cold months. I usually have some form of cacao, either the basic version tossed into the little electric beverage heater-blender thing that’s essential when you’re as devoted to hot drinks as I am or the fancy version with cacao, dark chocolate, maple syrup, reishi powder, cinnamon, and cayenne. Then of course there’s tea, I’m digging peppermint right now, bought loose from Petaluma Coffee & Tea Company. And finally, as a symbol that it’s time to start being productive, the herbal coffee substitute I make using Lizzie’s recipe.

I need a lot of quiet time to myself and so the early mornings are sacred. Not sacred enough to set an alarm or anything but my inherited body clock wakes me up between four and five am everyday, like it or not. This worried me for awhile, until my mom told me that my dad used to wake up at four every morning and my brother does too. She was the only one in the family who escaped the relentlessly early mornings. Whenever I manage to sleep until six or even seven in the morning, it’s like a choir of angels descends from the heavens to sing hallelujahs over my head while I revel in the fact that it’s light and I haven’t already been awake for three or four hours.

But that’s not what happened today. Today, I get a fire and cats and cacao and blogging before I start my day. Maybe tomorrow will be one of those wildly blessed days of sleeping til actual dawn. We can only hope.

How You End Up with Ghouls in a Romantic Comedy

I finally finished re-reading the first draft of my novel! Good job, me!

This was something I planned to do in January, but may need to accept the fact that winter hibernation is real and I shouldn't expect too much of myself.

Now that spring has sprung - the grass is growing high and fast, the trees are blooming, and the cows are mooing - it seems my ability to do things has returned.

Aside from line editing and a confusing plot section where the goons switch to ghouls (?), I'm not sure there's much to do. At least until a few more people read it and tell me where the holes are.

Lots of writers ponder plot and characters and motivation before they ever start writing, but I just can't seem to do it that way. Whenever I try to outline, I immediately lose interest. My brain doesn't formulate anything until my fingers are already typing and following the story that's unscrolling in front of me.

This is how you end up with ghouls in a romantic comedy.

It's kind of like life, really. I mean, hopefully there are no ghouls in your life - none in mine, so far - but you just show up and start moving and see what happens.

If you stop moving, stop typing, things stop happening. And then the story gets really boring.

I wonder if the people who plot their books are also the people who can plot their lives. The kind of people with five and ten year plans who actually follow those plans.

I have never met a plan that I can't completely demolish within three months.

All I can do - in my books and in my life - is show up and see where the path leads and where I end up. Usually far from where I intended.

But, ghouls aside, where I end up is generally pretty good.

This was posted to my Patreon earlier today. If you’d like to follow me there, I’d love to have you! It’s where I’ve been doing more personal writing these days.

How To Use the Moon

If you sometimes feel weird and unmoored or exhausted and emotional without knowing why, I have a theory for you:

You’re sensitive to the moon.

We’re deeply connected with the movement of the moon, our planet, and the universe in a way that doesn’t get talked about nearly enough in our culture, unless you happen to follow hashtag moon on Instagram.

If your moods and energetic ups and downs often feel like a mystery, learning about the moon can be deeply supportive.

As a sensitive human and triple Cancer, I feel the moon big time.

When our friend the moon is in void, it can leave me feeling cranky and emotional and unsure of everything in my life. Because I know that the void moon can make an unsuspecting human feel uncertain, I took myself off for some self-care at the chiropractor and the coffeeshop during the last long void moment. (Which worked, until I spilled my coffee all over the front seat of my car.) When the moon came out of void, I immediately felt better.

When in doubt, blame the moon.

(Blaming things on the moon is one of my favorite activities even as I remind myself that I’m an empowered human and fully in charge of my own experience, no matter what the world and universe around me are doing. Recognizing what’s affecting us while also taking full responsibility for our lives is a balancing act.)

Now, the void moon isn’t always going to be a royal snit show of crankiness and questioning everything and spilled coffee. But if you’ve been over-extending yourself, the void moon and the water moon will make that very clear. In fact, that’s one of the only things that will be clear during the void moon - how well you’ve been taking care of yourself.

In order to harness the power of the moon to support yourself, your life, and your dreams, here are some tips:

How To Use The Moon

Working with the energy of the moon and planets deeply supports us in the ebbs and flows of life, especially in a culture that wants us to be flowing always and ebbing never. Moving with the moon supports us in resting and nourishing ourselves as much as it supports us in moving toward our goals and dreams.

Because the moon is so close to the earth compared to the other planets, it changes signs every two to three days. Each week the moon moves through a fire sign, an earth sign, an air sign, and a water sign - in that order. Some signs are best for rest. Some signs are best for getting things done. Some signs are good for chilling out. Each time the moon changes signs, it goes through what we call a void moon. Sometimes the void moon lasts a few minutes, sometimes it lasts an entire day.

Here’s a basic primer on the moon signs:

How to use a fire moon: The fire moon is the time for action. You’ll likely be feeling fiery and raring to go - especially if you rested during the previous water moon. During a fire moon, you will probably feel that zip needed to accomplish things you may have been putting off. If you run a business, it’s a good time to call people to action. It’s a good time to start things, and a good time to make massive progress.

Used wisely, the fire moons are a wonderful ally to your productivity.

How to use an earth moon: After the high energy of the fire moon, the earth moon offers a bit of a respite. The energy dips - you can still be productive, but you’ll want to do so by giving yourself rest and breaks and treats. During the fire moons, you maybe running hither and yon and knocking things off your to-do list left and right.

During earth moons, you can get things done, but you might be happier doing so huddled up in blankets the couch.

How to use an air moon: Air moons offer another rise in energy. You will probably feel chattier during the air moons - it’s a good time to talk, reach out to friends and family, share things on social media, and talk about things that are important to you.

There’s a lot of movement during an air moon, so this is another good time to get things done and move with speed and agility toward what you want.

How to use the water moon: This is a time to take things more slowly. To feel more than do. To rest and go with the flow and take it easy. If you’re in any phase of burnout, you’ll want to rest as much as possible.

If you rest during the water moon, you’ll have the energy you need to take advantage of the fire moon.

How to use the void moon: Don’t start things - especially fights. If you have a business, this is a good time to step back and do things behind the scenes. If you’re tired, this is a good time to rest. Otherwise, void moons are best for taking care of the more mundane aspects of life - laundry, grocery shopping, self-care. Self-care is actually one of the best things to do during this phase - get out into nature, journal, meditate, get a massage, read a book.

However you most enjoy taking care of yourself, doing so at this time can help you avoid feelings of uncertainty or discombobulation.

Using the moon to guide the rhythm of your days and your effort can be a beautiful way to regulate energy, heal or avoid burnout, and create in a way that is deeply aligned with your body.

How to Use the Moon To Rest

If you feel tired in your day-to-day life, if it feels like you’re heading toward burnout, these are the moments to pay attention to and devote to rest and relaxation:

When the moon is void, rest.

When the moon is in a water sign, rest.

When the moon is in its balsamic phase, rest.

Resting can look many different ways. Maybe you have the freedom to plan your time so that you can watch movies and nap during these moments. (Even if you don’t have that freedom, do your best to snatch all the rest you can during the balsamic moon, the three to four days before the new moon.)

Maybe these are the days to go to bed early or to not plan to do anything more than absolutely necessary. Maybe these are the days to tell your brain to take a hike when it natters on about your to-do list.

How I use the moon to manage my life

I love hearing about people use this kind of information in their real lives, rather than just reading the factoids. So here’s how I use the moon:

Before I start to plan my time each week, I take a look at my moon app (I use iLuna). I note what days are in what signs, paying special attention to the void moon. If I have any business-y things to announce or sell, I do it in the fire moon. I note where the water moons live so that if I’m feeling tired, I leave a lot of space to rest and take it easy on those days. If there’s a long void moon, I plan to stay away from work if possible and do life-y things if I have the energy, or rest if I don’t.

I do my best to take the three or four days of the balsamic moon off each month. I keep the balsamic moon phase in my main calendar, so I always know when it’s coming. For years, I would crash for about three days a month and have no idea why, because it didn’t seem to have any rhyme or reason. When I started paying attention to the moon, I realized, “Oh. Balsamic Moon. That’s when I crash.” So now I plan to crash - or at least rest with all my might - and it’s fabulous.

Paying attention to the moon in this way has helped me recover from burnout and use the cycles of my energy properly so that I can live my life in a way that feels good, rather than stressed and harried.

We’re re-learning how to replenish ourselves in a world that practically demands burnout, a world that wants us to be in full bloom all the time. Using the moon to guide your rest and your work is a powerful way to support your life, your work, and your dreams.

xo - Amber

CoWriting with the Moon

If you’re a writer - or a person who has writing to do on a weekly basis: emails! journaling! sales copy! newsletters! - and would love to play with the phases of the moon in your writing practice, I’d love to have you join us in CoWriting with the Moon!

It’s sacred space to write in community. Dedicated time for your book. Reserved space to batch your content. A place to journal yourself to comfort and answers. Time to plow forward on your works-in-progress.

Whatever writing you want or need to do, this is the place.

“I got more done in this session than in the last two months combined!” - Phoebe

“I finally wrote a scene in a book that I haven’t worked on in months!” - Mikael

“Wow! I got so much accomplished. I will definitely be joining now that I know how fabulous it is.”  - Sarah